slash another transfer entry from eljay.

there are days where i have to reassure myself that my body exists. i'm laying on my bed drowsing in the rainy afternoon filtered sunlight squares on my bed, feet pointed towards the wall, belly-up. i close my eyes and lay my fingers on my stomach, pressing and pulling and pushing everywhichway, smoothing skin like a motel housekeeper fixing rumpled sheets. lightly i press beneath my waistband, tracing the jutted outlines of my hips that only emerge when i lay just so. sometimes i'm scared that i won't be able to feel them anymore through wobbly, bulgy flesh, sometimes i have to lay my hand there for a while just to remember how it feels to have definition and outline. this is the closest i've ever come to personal harmony, to feeling complete without someone else's hands laid on me. i can't say i'd rather this than feel you pull my sleeves towards you for a sneaky kiss, but i can tell you that if there ever comes a time where i cannot feel my hipbones i may be lost forever.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06