me, walking at night with him, passing a pint of strawberry cheesecake ice cream back and forth as we talk and smile, eating french fries drenched in ketchup on the comfy chairs near the booths. i dig and dig with my white plastic spoon, groping, searching, shoveling. soon it is gone.

me, in the car on the way back thinking thinking thinking of her massive jiggling frame as she tells me how much she loves ice cream and meat and everything else i am fond of. thinking of earlier in the mall staring at myself in the mirror and how much larger than life i looked. i dread becoming her someday for some damnable reason.

me, squatting on the grass in the shadow of a jeep in the parking lot sticking my fingers so far down my throat i can almost feel the pieces of berry and graham crust churning down below. a creamy puddle soon forms at my feet as tears and spit run down my face to congeal at the chin and drop off. i stand up, wipe my hand halfheartedly on the grass, and walk home.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06