he told me i should talk things out instead of writing them all the time, but what am i supposed to do when he doesn't like what i have to say? it makes me not want to talk about how i feel strange and aimless and pointless right now, readjusting to school being my current excuse i guess, but nothing really makes me look forward to existance. i want the simple things about my life to make me happy again. i want to be happy when it's a nice day, i want to be happy that i'm learning things in classes, that my room and roommate are awesome, that i have friends to see and shows to go to. food doesn't even excite me anymore, i mean the taste of it. i eat because i don't want to fall over from exhaustion. i drink water because i don't want to get a headache, not because it is refreshing. i hate feeling like this because there is no reason for me to feel so genuinely depressed in general, but i am. maybe it's the stupid birth control i'm on, fucking with my emotions. i don't know. i just want to get back to my normal self, wanting to hang out with people instead of wanting to lay in my bed all the time, concentrating on class, enjoying food, and not freaking the fuck out of my boyfriend.

is that so much to ask?

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06