why do i put this stuff in my lj? it sucks and no one wants to read it. i feel so vulnerable when i do, but sometimes i just really want people to understand where im coming from. i don't know. maybe i'll take it off lj later.

so there i am walking up to your doorstep yet again. i know this path so well that my body will carry me robotically while my mind is free to wander, but the only place i'd want to wander is the same place i'm going. and when you open the door you pull a cord out of my back and you plug me into the wall, except the only outlets my plug fits into seem to be in your house and in mine. usually this doesn't bother me because by the time i've gotten a chance to think about it the electricity is already coursing through my veins, coming to the surface every time you lay a finger or a protruding lip near my skin. it's like those plastic spheres at science museums with the pink tongues of electricity connecting with whatever part of your body you choose to touch the globe with, but a hundred times more beautiful and a thousand times more dangerous. i don't fear the danger, it just draws me deeper in. when i'm laying so close to you that i can only see a quarter of your face [waxing? waning?] i wish my eyes were cameras that could capture your beauty eternally on plastic strips to be forever copied over and over, i'd wallpaper my entire house with that look in your eye if i could catch those moments on paper. and every day i find more outlets in new places i never expected.

it's possible. i'm screaming it. on nights with you i hate the dawn for coming so soon.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06