i just bought a gold membership here because i really wanted to write last night and it wouldnt let me get to the update page due to excess traffic, so now i can get here whenever i want. muahaha. and i made a banner. we'll see how that goes.

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i could lie here for days... these songs never got old for me. a year and a half ago they were new to me. these songs filled with passion, brimming and burning and words of that sort, teetering the fine line between beautifully melodic and brutally enraged. and the memories.. perhaps they're the most important part. driving around takoma park almost every weekend. standing on the sidewalk in the moonlight with our arms around each other, shivering in the cold. and you kissed me. we broke apart, laughing from the sheer joy of it like five year olds spraying dirt with a hose. mischeviously delighted. a month later i sat in my room wishing we could have retained that childlike innocence, but you wanted to fix me. you wanted to fix me and i didn't even know i was broken, or i didn't want to tell anybody. you were too much for me. you were always too something; too close, too far, too insightful, too passionate, too much, too much, too much.

and up until now i didn't realize i was your artwork. you're one of those garbage artists, taking found items and making them into beautiful sculptures. i resisted, oh how i fought your loving touch that at times was too firm, causing me to bend too far the wrong way. there's those too's again, too firm, too far. you've worked on me for a year and a half, and finally, something's coming out. you released a catch in me that was stuck in the 'off' position. you made me realize i have the capability to care about someone this much, and the capability to deal with those feelings, at least somewhat. you've helped me so much. you're a wonderful friend.

thank you.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06