there is nothing worse than thinking one of your classmates is dead. this morning, the very first thing that happened was an announcement about jean lo's death. caryn grabbed my leg and we looked at each other in disbelief. the room was dead silent. twenty terrible seconds later, everyone remembered that today was the day they were doing the 'every fifteen minutes' thing for sadd. and caryn and i had to wipe the brimming tears from our eyes and move on with our mornings. but that feeling.. it was like every involuntary function in my body shut down, metal doors clanking closed around my heart to stop its beat, not a breath of oxygen being passed from lung to lung nor an eyelid gliding gracefully across a smooth cornea to shield our eyes from the horrors of reality.

susanna later told me that in fourth period when my name was announced as dead, ms harris turned to her and said 'if jen had been the first one, i would have been so upset i'd have cried.'

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06