the rain was pouring down in sheets when the bus finally pulled out of the parking lot. destination: DAR constitution hall, a couple blocks from the white house. behind me, two math teachers were debating the state of education today, the building of the icc, the bush administration, and other exciting topics. as we sat in barely moving traffic i couldn't help but feel a little bit anxious, listening to mr. markovitz count down the time on his watch. 9:15. 9:30, and we still weren't there. images of having to run in after processional and grab my seat, holding my cap shamefully in front of my burning face, flashed through my mind every time we stopped inching over the marked asphalt. across the aisle, my parents were sitting silently, and i pretended my cd player hadn't run out of batteries so i wouldn't have to talk to them.

finally, we arrived. i ran to the d street side to take my place in line, tran, tsabiras, turner, twigg. jackie's [real] mom was walking around looking confused, so i called her name and gave her a hug, telling her where to find my parents so she wouldn't have to sit alone. through a crack in the white wooden door at the back of the room, i could see mr. mostow, tom, and caryn running the tech board in preparation of taping graduation, and i waved to them. i turned my attention back to the line, and listened to lee's stories about his obnoxious, huge greek family who had taken the metro with him to get there. time was passing incredibly quickly, like the rivers of water gushing down the street that i could see only by pressing my face to the exactly-square window panes.

kelly [one of the security guards at my school] came running down to tell us to get back in line, because it was time. james and i looked at each other and laughed. 'we're graduating!' i said. 'we're graduating,' he repeated. 'no talking!' said the administration. we filed forward slowly, finally making our way towards the entrance to the inner hall. across the entryway i saw the other side [A-Ku] processing in parallel to us, and waved to taylor. finally, i reached the threshold of the hall. 'pomp and circumstance', played by the marching band, filled my ears. i strode in confidently, but kept my eyes mostly on the floor. mr. eichenlaub grabbed my hand briefly as i passed him, and i flashed a doleful grin. before i entered my row, i heard adam call 'jen!' and i waved at him before rushing to catch up with james.

there was a lot of speechtalking, but it wasn't too bad. i sat squished into my blue seat with gold stars and listened to jerome continually state that 'this shit was blowing the shit out of' him. mr. hunt's speech was really nice. i think he really loves us because we were his first class at paint branch. and then, it was time.

being a T, i knew it was going to be a while. james' explanation of it was that we could 'go outside for a stroll, grab a hotdog from the stand, eat it and come back in and they'd still only be on D.' i concentrated on watching every single person cross the stage, noting each of them and whether or not i'd ever see them again after today, whether or not i cared. casey and i also occupied ourselves by cheering for all of our friends. as the end of the alphabet drew closer and closer, the clapping began to die off for people who didn't have a lot of friends; the clappers were evidently getting tired. i guess a lot of people's worst fear at graduation is to not get any claps or cheers, especially if you're after someone who gets a whole lot of them. i certainly didn't want that to happen to me, but i didn't expect much.

my row stood. left foot, right foot, left foot, i was telling myself. the simplistic task of preventing myself from tripping kept me a bit centered as i walked up the aisle. then i was at the bottom of the steps with wellwishes from mr walker, then the top of the steps with a handshake from ms paoloni, then a handshake as mr smith held my arm, then my name being called to- what was that? loud claps! loud cheers! i smiled so big i thought my face was going to fall off onto the stage. then hug ms dixon and get my diploma cover, then shake dignitaries' hands, then hug mr. hunt, then hug mr. harris, then hug ms. waits, then get my rose from chris, then hug ali, then shake josh's hand, then walk down the steps with legs like jelly.

they called for us all to rise, and with a final speech, we turned our tassels from left to right. that was it. we were finished. FINISHED. FINISHED WITH THIRTEEN YEARS OF MONTGOMERY COUNTY PUBLIC SCHOOL EDUCATION, in one small flick of the wrist.

ms beatty gave me a hug afterwards, and told me that we have to hang out this summer before jenny and i go off to college. jean grabbed me for a picture, casey and adam grabbed me for a picture, and matt grabbed me for a picture before i finally got back to the bus. the rain was still dripping dutifully from gray clouds high overhead, and i couldn't help thinking, this is all?

yeah, jen. this is all. but really, it isn't even the end of the beginning.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06