flashbackward:summer2001. hot and bright and sweaty outside, sitting on the floor of an old creaky silver minivan [+loving every second of it]. there are no seats in the back, only a few mysterious dark stains in the carpet, bags of wendy's refuse, and a toolbox. he gives his friend ten bucks to put gas in the tank and lights up the half of a black&mild that was sitting derelict in the ashtray below the clockradio, exhaling the smoke carefully, impatient to move on. i think he's beautiful, and give him six inches of my footlong sub.

soon we're on the move again, and i have been promoted to the front seat because he likes me. the dashboard is covered in stickers of bands i've never heard of and topped by empty packs of cigarettes and a layer of fine dirt. later we sit in the basement and watch horror movies, our feet up on a table littered with empty cans of beer that i did not drink.

when he finally kissed me it was dark and his mouth was surprisingly gentle and soft for all the terribly harsh words that usually streamed out of it as easily as water rushing over the side of a mountain. but when i laid my head on his warm chest and listened to his heart beat, i knew it wasn't beating for me.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06