where to go? it's 2:31 am and i'm walking to my car, it's beautiful outside, i want to walk. who to call? no one lives here, really. the numbers light up against my touch but no one answers, the world is asleep. moments ago this was all clear in my head, driving, i'll be in my twenties, get a place in the area, my childhood memories laminated into binders and glued into books lining dusty shelves. the walls of my room are already half-white again. i'll save all the color, i'll preserve it in a book and someday i'll share it with someone who loves me and i'll say, wasn't i cute, i used to cover every inch of white space on my walls with advertisements from teen magazines. there's that picture of johnny rzeznik, wasn't i just great in eighth grade. i'll be calling you in five years, you know. 'let's get lunch'. i'll know everything at age 23, still nothing. i want to see california, i want to see brooklyn. i want to not know what's next. jesus, how to explain? right now i'm feeling so YOUNG. so ready to take on everyfuckingthingever. so much lies ahead of me, it excites me to have so much time to do so much, to love so much.

should i turn left at the light? no.

should i sit up and be restless and have everything clear in my head until i go to type it out and then it just sounds really stupid and incoherent? yeah, i think i'll go that route, no one reads this shit anyhow. hopefully the cicadas will just drown me out with their beautiful songs and i'll be left to my tangled thoughts once again. fuck it, i tried.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06