like an infant i just kept sticking things in my mouth and chewing and swallowing without end ruining my entire perfect day of being good i didnt even eat when we went to the pizza place i used the chex mix as an excuse i dont think that you minded but it was nighttime and the binge it sat so heavy in my stomach i couldn't let it stay there so i ran water from the tap and stuck my fingers down my throat like i promised myself i never would and i tickled tickled gagged scratched until finally i found myself staring at lumps of what could only be the chocolate and hopefully some of the cheese or maybe the rolls or perhaps the caramel syrup or the popsicle floating innocently in the toilet water before i flushed it into oblivion i doubt i got it all out but i was proud and that scares me.

and thinking about earlier has got me all unsure because i feel like i could love your silly tucked in shirt and your funny laugh and maybe the way you squint your beautiful eyes sometimes like my brother does and how funny it was to hide underneath your drenched shirt to make a phone call in the pouring rain how i was the closest i'd ever been to your heart or how i kept brushing against you in the dark with melodies rubbing against us both binding us tightly to the soaking night or singing along to say it aint so as you fumbled to spit out the words 'i'm glad you came with me' but the sad part is that i know i'm just being poetic right now and who knows how i'll feel in the morning.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06