examination of self, round one: are you, or are you not, at this point in time able to deal with the way things have turned out?

i think so, yes. i'm pretty much past missing her; it's more that i miss being with someone in general, i think, and i don't have to miss her because i still get to be her friend. and as for him.. i don't feel betrayed. it's more like something that predates me is back because it was never truly resolved, and i can accept that. the world will continue to flow around me whether or not i choose to dive in and swim with everyone else, so i might as well just go with it. and really, i like swimming.. i just don't like bathing suits. so that issue really lies elsewhere in terms of its solution in the long run, and i am not worried about it right now.

secondly: okay, so you've moved on, and you're forming a relationship with someone new. what's the deal on that?

i wouldn't really call it a 'relationship' at this point. i really just have so incredibly much in common with him, and it's so easy to talk to him.. he treats me like there's no age difference between us. in fact, he treats me even better than some of my friends. he does not ever hesitate to tell me about things i don't know in terms of music or movies, and he never makes me feel stupid for never having heard or seen them. i suppose it's the fact that i interact with him about four days out of each week, that he is attractive and a nice person and he treats me with respect, and i can laugh with him about the fact that we both thought of the funeral scene in star trek II when talking about bagpipes. it's the little things. and probably, i'm just a little girl with a crush. but it really makes me feel happy when he says "you're not scheduled to come down tomorrow.. what am i going to do without you?" it was a joke.. but all jokes have some basis in the truth, no matter how remote. at least, i tell myself that, so that i can pretend i have a future with him when i see him at ft reno shows and ottobar shows and when we're both in towson.

really, i probably just needed to get that all out. i'm done examining, and i've gotten most of the high fidelity syndrome out of my system. i still want arms around me, though. possibly that is a basic human need. physical contact came before language.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06