i can watch all the movies i want, i can hug all the people i want and curl up in a ball next to all the friends i want but once the door closes behind the last person leaving and i sit down at the computer early in the morning again i am utterly alone. it is this lack of intense feeling that has prevented me from writing well lately, i think. it is possibly also that which causes me to stress during these hours sometimes. i'm okay in the daytime though- i'm okay when i have distractions.

i do have some hope that things will change. this year is like ninth grade was, in terms of a new environment and situation, etc, except even more so since college is such a drastic change. eventually i was happy in high school though, and i branched out, later ending up mostly with my best friends being the ones i hadn't even known very well in my first year there. if you'd asked me in ninth grade where i'd be in later years i would've had no idea how happy i was going to be. i ended up loving paint branch. i just need to give this place a chance...

i'm really not unhappy. i promise you that. i'm just adjusting. and i just miss people. it's natural.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06